What NOT to Look Forward to After Graduation

Okay, so I’m not trying to be an ungrateful pessimist here, because I truly am looking forward to graduation more than anything in the world right now. I also know that not everyone is given the opportunity for a college education. However, after six years of being in college, I can successfully say that for the first time about twenty years, I will no longer be a student. That means no more studying, no more exams, no more papers, no more staying up all hours of the night cramming assignments in, no more need for adderall. I mean really, other than for studying purposes, who actually enjoys taking that stuff? As of today, I have only two weeks of classes left and just 3 and half weeks until I walk across the stage in my cap and gown. However, among the advantages that come from finally graduating, some reality set in and I came to the realization that being a post-grad is not going to be all sunshine and rainbows. And here’s why:


1. Student Loans. This is probably the worst part about graduating. I cannot even express how badly I am dreading the cometh of “twelve months after graduation” when I am legally obligated to pay back the thousands of dollars in student loans that I have taken out over the years. I’ve seriously lost track of how much I actually owe, and I wonder how long I will have to be a prisoner to these debts.

2. Officially no longer a kid. Although I’ve been legally an adult for five years now, for some reason, being a college student sort of extends childhood a little longer. Most college students these days can’t distinguish their ass from their elbow and rely on their parents for most financial support and advice. I consider myself to have been quite an independent student throughout my years in college, as I have not lived with my parents since high school, nor have I relied on any financial assistance. I have worked nearly full-time while in school, but even with these factors, something inside feels like I am still a kid. I don’t know what it is about being in college that makes us feel this way, maybe it’s knowing that it’s the last stepping stone before entering the “real world.” Whatever it is, after graduation, you childhood is just a memory. You’re a college grad now, so it’s time to grow the fuck up.


3. College is not an excuse anymore. Going off of my last point, once you graduate, you can’t blame college for your drunken stupidity and careless ways anymore. Once you enter the business world, one night stands, getting white girl wasted and sleeping ’til noon is no longer acceptable. You’re in the real world now and you have to be responsible. You have to wake up at a decent hour of the morning, make your bed, eat breakfast and go to work. You’re in the 9-to-5 world now. You also don’t have any excuses for your room being a mess. I don’t know why, but once you graduate, you need to get your life together, and that includes keeping your room clean and making your bed every day. The pictures of you doing shots at the bar and keg stands at frat parties need to be removed from your Facebook and Instagram if you want a sensible job to even consider hiring you, and in 2013, making your page private, doesn’t suffice. 

4. Hearing the same, aggravating question from everyone around you; “Have you found a job yet?” No, I have not found a job yet. In fact, that’s the last thing I want to do right now. If anything, I’d retire if I could. I’ve spent the last twenty years in school, and now that I am done, all I want to do is a whole lot of nothing! The first thing I want to do once I get that diploma is put it to good use; I want to lay on my couch with my dog, watching re-runs and eating ice cream all day for a couple of weeks. When I get bored with that, I want to go backpacking in Europe for a few months with the nonexistent money that I have saved up, learning new languages and becoming more cultured. Upon arrival back in the states, I suppose I will have to find a job, which brings me to my next rant.


5. Looking for a Job: Looking for a job sucks about as bad as moving, bumper to bumper traffic and waiting in lines. The whole process of it just sucks. You have to primp your resume to make it appear that you are so much more qualified than you really are, applying from office to office, sucking up to your interviewer and over-exaggerating your life. From past experiences, I consider myself to be pretty decent at interviewing, but I still hate it. I know when I have to start applying for “real” jobs, it’s going to be difficult because I have no real experience. My experience consists of two internships and seven years in the hospitality industry. It’s an entry level job, yet you need all this experience to get hired? How does that make any sense? And then sometimes you have those interviewers that ask you those questions that no one knows how to answer; “Why should we hire you?” As much as you’d like to reply by saying, “umm because I’m fucking awesome!” it’s just not the answer they are looking for. Or “What would someone who dislikes you say about you?” No one can successfully answer that without making themselves look bad in one way or another, you asshole. Next question.


6. Entry-Level Jobs Don’t Pay Shit: I’m so glad I spend thousands of dollars on a college degree that will land me a job paying less than what I take home working at a bar. Unless I get really lucky, I’m probably not going to find an entry level position with a starting pay over $35K. From a positive standpoint, at least I enjoy bartending and can continue to do it while I have a day job. Although I was kind of hoping that getting a “real” job would mean I get my weekends off… I guess that’s not going to happen.


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