Life of a Bartender

First of all, my sleeping schedule is all kinds of messed up: My bar closes at 3:00 A.M 7 days a week. This means that if I close, I don’t get home from work until 4 or even sometime 5 AM! And once I get home I am still wired and often times can’t fall asleep for an hour or two, so I lay in bed staring at my phone on Twitter/Pinterest/Facebook/Instagram until I fall asleep… In fact, I am writing this post at 6:20 AM Sunday after closing on a Saturday night shift… Needless to say, I sleep in/don’t get my day started until noon or later.

I am on my feet from 8 to 16 hours at a time (depending how long my shift is) yes; I have worked many 16 hour shifts. I’m 24 years old, so it hasn’t caught up to me yet, but I’m sure I will probably have back problems sometime in the near future.

Drunk men confess their love to me – I’m not sure why. Okay, I’m hot & all but c’mon man! Go home. I’m not giving you my phone number, you cannot take me out on a date, and I don’t want to hear you bragging about how good of a guy you are. Do I come into your job and harass you? Didn’t think so. I make your drinks, you pay for them, tip me generously then go away. From the famous words of TLC, “no I don’t want your number, no, I don’t want to give you mine and no, I don’t want to meet you nowhere, no, I don’t want none of your time” Okay, you get the picture. 

We are judged – I was just in the process of apartment hunting in Boston, and a landlord declined my application, because I am “just a bartender.” Another place that I applied to live required that I have a cosigner, regardless of my almost-excellent credit. I’m not quite sure why some people consider bartending not to be a “real job.” You can make a really decent salary as a bartender. How is it not a real job? You don’t need a degree for it, but you also don’t need a degree for a lot of blue collar jobs or retail positions, but people still view serving and bartending is disreputable. A lot of us have day jobs and work bar shifts for extra cash. Others don’t even need to have full time jobs because working a few nights a week at the bar is enough to make a living. I have a bachelors degree and I know I can make more bartending than any entry level position offers. Okay, I get that it can be a dead end job with not much opportunity to advance, and there’s the risk that some days I might go into work and leave with less than $50.. Even so, I am still averaging around minimum wage on a 8-hour day. There’s pros and cons to every position.

People ask us to make the most ridiculous named shooters/cocktails, and then question our bartending abilities because we don’t know what in them. First of all, the drink you are referring to was probably some signature drink served at some vacation resort in Hawaii that features special drinks that are only on their menu. No shit why I don’t know how to make it. Second of all, it’s 2014 – I know you have a smartphone; so Google it. If I have whatever is in it behind my bar, I can make it for you. 

So, I just wanted to enlighten you outsiders on what it’s like on a typical day for a bartender, and maybe you will show a little more respect. 🙂

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7 Life Lessons I Owe To Robin Williams

Couldn’t have said it better myself! Good read.

Nathan Hancock

Doubtfire

Robin Williams was a lonely overweight child who came up with different voices to entertain his young self only to one day entertain the world. He was one of the true geniuses of our generation. He was voted least likely to succeed in high school and I guess he got the last laugh. On screen he was an amazing actor– the only one I can think of who could make me laugh and cry during the same movie. In the real world off screen, he struggled with addiction and never found serenity. On Monday, he took his own life– a life that anyone would envy. But even a net worth of $50 million isn’t enough to protect you from one of the least talked about killers in the world today: depression.

If you need help, ask for it– and don’t be ashamed. If someone is asking for help, hear them– and don’t…

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Lies That Alcohol Has Told Me

Over the past 7 years of my borderline alcoholic life, I have trusted my inner-drunk-self with some pretty shitty advice. When the problem that I have come to realize, is that I really shouldn’t have trusted any of those ideas all along. Unfortunately enough, my dear friend alcohol can be extremely convincing at times; it’s like peer pressure of adulthood! So I have compiled a list of ten lies that alcohol has told me over the years, and hopefully next time, I will remember that none of this is not good advice to follow.image

1. You’re a great dancer!

2. You’re also reeeally good at karaoke

3. You should call your ex!

4. You can eat as much fast food as you want and you won’t regret it in the morning

5. You can totally handle another shot

6. The girl you met in the bathroom is your new BFF, so you can tell her anything!

7. You don’t your shoes

8. Speak up; the people 10 feet away from you might miss out on your awesome conversation

9. Don’t worry, you have nothing to do tomorrow so you can stay out all night

10. You’re not that drunk

50 Questions To Ask Your Crush To See If They’re Right For You

Great for anyone, not just your crush. I’d ask anyone these!

Thought Catalog

A 40-something woman I’m friends with told me about a date she was on where the guy asked her what her favorite color was. She broke it off right then because, as she explained, at her age she had deep life experiences and if he was only interested in superficial crap like color preferences, they were incompatible. With that in mind, I collected a a cheat sheet of questions that can speak to your potential partner’s substance (or lack thereof). Or, at least give you something to talk about if it turns out you don’t have awesome conversation chemistry.

1. What is one thing you will never do again?

2. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy?

3. What happened the last time you cried?

4. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something?

5. What would your…

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20 Apologies for your Bartender

For all the times your bartender held back from saying image

1. I’m sorry for waving you down when i wasn’t ready to order (or turning around to ask what my friends want after aggressively grabbing your attention)

2. I’m sorry I asked you what was on draft when my face was right in front of the taps

3. I’m sorry I asked if you had liquor when if I had looked would have seen a full bar displayed in plain sight

4. I’m sorry for wasting your time asking stupid questions when you were busy

5. I’m sorry for singing karaoke when I know I can’t sing

6. I’m sorry I complained that my martini was too strong

7. I’m sorry for thinking it’s acceptable to leave $1 tip on $50 worth of shots

8. I’m sorry for forgetting to close my tab and therefore not tipping

9. I’m sorry for taking the signed credit card receipt with the tip amount written on it

10. I’m sorry for complaining that my tab expressed exactly as much as I had ordered

11. I’m sorry for telling you that I can’t taste the alcohol in my vodka cranberry

12. I’m sorry for making you go back and forth 4 times when you could have made all 4 drinks at once.

13. I’m sorry for whispering my drink order amongst a crowd full of people

14. I’m sorry for making you ask me 5 times if you wanted to close out or start a tab

15. I’m sorry for stiffing you when you cut me off

16. I’m sorry I didn’t have my payment ready when you brought me my drinks

17. I’m sorry for the sarcastic eye-rolling smirk when you asked to see my ID (for those under 25)

18. I’m sorry I asked if you wanted to see my ID when I’m clearly over 40. It’s not funny

19. I’m sorry for spilling my drink and expecting you to make another one on the house

20. I’m sorry I pretended not to understand the subliminal message of Semisonic’s “Closing Time” when the lights come on at 3AM

Lies that we are all guilty of

Face it- we’ve all done it. I’m not quite sure why, but for one reason or another, we just can’t all be Honest Abe’s 100% of the time. It’s not like it’s a crime, or we are causing any harm by doing it, but WE ALL LIE. And there’s some lies that we are all guilty of telling.

1. I have read and agree to the terms and services
Truth: I could be signing my soul away to the devil right now, but I’m too lazy to read all that fine print.

2. I’ll be ready in five minutes
Truth: I’m running around frantically in my underwear trying on everything in my closet, and I won’t be ready for at least 15 minutes.

3. Ohhh, I get it! That makes sense now.
Truth: You don’t get it but you’re too embarrassed to admit that you still don’t understand what their talking about

4. No officer, I have no idea how fast I was going
Truth #1: I’m not sure what the speed limit is, I think I was going about 80 so I don’t want to chance it.
Truth #2: I was going 80 and I know the speed limit is 55. I just didn’t see you.

5. I’m fine.
Truth: You’re not fine. You’re anything but fine. But you don’t want to talk about it

6. OMG, I never do this!
Truth: You do this. You just don’t want the other person to know. Anyone who goes out of their way to tell someone that they don’t do something is probably a seasoned pro; they just don’t want to admit it.

7. I’m going to start dieting and working out
Truth: No you won’t. Actions speak louder than words, my friend. Don’t talk about it, be about it.

8. I’m not drunk
Truth: You think you can handle your alcohol and seem sober to others. But you don’t.

9. I’ll do it tomorrow
Truth: Tomorrow comes around and you say “I’ll do that tomorrow”

10. I’m only having one drink
Truth: You might even be good enough to have just two, more often than not, you won’t be so lucky. But you can never have just one.

What I learned from Teen Movies of the 90’s

Nineties teen movies are the movies that I grew up on, and being the movie buff that I am, I have to assume that most of the movies I watched as a kid, must have influenced my perceptions on life in some way, shape, or form. Given that I was only 10-years-old at most when these movies came out, these mid-twenties actors casted as high school students gave me pretty unrealistic expectations about being a teenager. (i.e: Stacey Dash was nearly 30 when she played Dionne in Clueless). I’m not just talking about any movies that were released sometime in the 90’s decade, I’m referring to the 90’s movies that are focused around a high-school environment, most of which sharing the same stereotypes and since most of them contained a lot of similarities, I guess I anticipated life to be something like them.

I assumed that belly shirts and mini-skirts were acceptable attire in a high school dress code. I looked forward to the awesome house parties which brought together the whole school. Senior prom was depicted where the hottest band of your time performs in front of your random public school; everyone loses their virginity to his or her prom date that night and we all get to choreograph a flash mob dance at the end. I assumed that once I got to high school, boys would look like Freddie Prinze Jr. and Heath Ledger. I was pretty disappointed with the male line-up in my school compared to the heartthrob look-a-likes I was expecting. Although my teenage years did not turn out quite like I expected, I have the movies from my childhood to thank for a little bit of advice. So I have compiled a list of lessons from 90’s movies that kind of just stuck with me.

Clueless

First of all, it’s been nearly 20 years since the movie Clueless came out and I am still jealous of Cher Horowitz’s closet. This movie was the reason the phrases “As if” and “like totally buggin” were added to my vocabulary, and looking back now, I probably sounded ridiculous. I learned a few good lessons from this flick. Number 1: Never take advice from “a virgin who can’t drive.” In this scene, Brittany Murphy (R.I.P.) burns Alicia Silverstone pretty badly, but sometimes you just have to say it how it is. clueless 1Another takeaway from this 90’s classic is coined by Cher herself; “Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.” I totally should have accepted this advice back in ’95 rather than trying to piece together why I couldn’t find a halfway decent guy when I finally got to high school. Moving on, reading between the lines a bit, we establish that in Cher’s world, all of the best guys are either taken or gay. Why would the real world be any different? But never result to falling in love with your stepbrother as a result. This brings me to my next movie…

Cruel Intentions 

This fiery twisted film was filled with seduction, drugs, blackmail, girl-on-girlction, guy-on-guy action, profanity and questionable incest relations between step-siblings played by Ryan Phillippe and Sarah Michelle Gellar. What’s not to love? Sebastian (Phillippe) mentions in one scene, “Email is for geeks and pedophiles.” Okay, maybe in the 90’s, but technology has emerged to where I think we can omit that one for now. Next lesson: a great phrase to live by, which unlike the former, I don’t believe will ever become obsolete over-time; “keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.” We can thank Sarah Michelle Gellar for prepping us to not let all the backstabbing bitches get the best of us.

Can’t Hardly Wait 

The Original Teen Movie; this classic never gets old to me. It introduced many celebs that we fell in love with over the years; Jennifer Love Hewitt, Seth Green, Ethan Embry, Jamie Pressly, Peter Facinelli (Carlisle in Twilight??), and a small debuting part by Jason Segal. This 90’s rom com gives us totally unrealistic expectations about high school house parties. But we fall hard for the “I love you, but you don’t know I exist” cliché.

Wish Upon a Star

Beside the obvious message; “be careful what you wish for/the grass isn’t always greener on the other side”, this Disney movie which introduces Katherine Heigl in her prime, teaches us girls that to be popular, you need to come up with a set of rules with your catty girlfriends that require you to shave your legs every single day and forbid us from repeating outfits. It all makes sense now. Is this why I’m so fucked up?

Jawbreaker

Rose McGowan plays the ultimate bad bitch. She makes Regina George look like an angel compared to the role she plays as Courtney Shayne. She accidentally kills her best friend, then went about her day as if everything was “peachy fucking keen.” Moral of the story: Don’t play birthday pranks on your friends that could potentially kill them, nor should you stage their death as a rape in the event of it happening. I’m also terrified of jawbreakers now.

10 Things I Hate About You

I have been in love with Heath Ledger since the moment I first heard him singing Rod Stewart’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” on the bleachers. (RIP my love!) A few takeaways from it; rebellious girls who don’t care what other people think can be tamed by a sexy Aussie. I also learned an effective tactic of sneaking someone out of detention: distract your teacher by flashing your boobs! I actually never got the chance to try it, but I’m sure it has a pretty high success rate. Larisa Oleynik, casted as Bianca (even though I always remember her from The Secret World of Alex Mack) teaches us a few valuable life lessons as well; she explicitly states that “you don’t buy black lingerie unless you want someone to see it.” I think of this quote nearly every time I slip on my little black panties. I’m not sure why this stuck with me over the years, it seems silly, but the girl has a point. She also expresses that you don’t know the difference between “like” and “love” until you own a designer bag.

10thingsihate

She’s All That

It’s your classic Hollywood fairy tale. Popular jock makes a bet that he can turn a nerdy girl into Prom Queen, but in the midst of the bet, he falls in love. Girl finds out about the bet and breaks up with him. He apologizes and they live happily ever after. This movie is cheesy, but we still eat it all up. She’s All That taught me that you can have an entire makeover to increase your popularity just by taking off your glasses, losing the ponytail and a simple wardrobe change. No kidding! Freddie Prinze Jr. taught us 90’s kids the importance of never backing out of a bet. In the case of it going sour and then losing the bet, showing up to your high school graduation in your birthday suit is a great form of apology if you’re ever looking for some forgiveness.

American Pie

This movie was hilarious, awkward, raunchy, and yet brilliant. If you incorporate “this one time at band camp” into a conversation anywhere, there is no doubt that everyone will know what you’re talking about. American Pie taught male viewers that you can’t go to college as a virgin; they have special dorms for people like you. From a girl perspective, I learned that boys are perverted horn dogs and are clueless in the female department. Well, teenagers for that matter. This movie keeps me laughing hysterically from start to finish every time.

The Craft

…So maybe it was just me and my girlfriends, but after watching The Craft we pretty much convinced ourselves that we were witches. We may or may not have attempted to reenact their “light as a feather, stiff as a board” scene, and claimed it to have worked, even though we knew that it didn’t. And I won’t deny that we also wrote up our own spell book. Needless to say, they didn’t have the highest success rates. So I suppose what I eventually learned from this film is that I am not, in fact a witch, nor do I possess any type of supernatural powers, as much as I would have liked to convince myself otherwise.

Never Been Kissed

This movie always put the idea in my head that I should be Disco Barbie for Halloween once I grew boobs and could look as good as Jessica Alba in that costume. Thinking about it now, it was a little odd that she wore that as her prom dress. However, this movie taught me that one bad nick-name could ruin your teenage life, and if you are a nerd in high school, it is likely that you’ll still be a nerd when you grow up… unless of course you have a popular brother who can help you get to the top. We learn from David Arquette (Rob) that all it takes is for one popular person to think you’re cool, and you’re in. I guess that could be true to an extent, but it also fogs our expectations a bit. It’s a harsh world out there.

never been kissed josie grosie.